The co-working space; a haven for freelancers, remote workers, and people who are desperately trying to avoid crippling loneliness in their pajamas. But before you waltz in with your avocado toast and questionable hygiene, let’s address the elephant in the brightly colored beanbag chair: co-working etiquette.

Fashion Tips for the Digitally Nomadic:

First impressions are everything, folks. Ditch the yoga pants with questionable stains (yes, Brenda, we ALL know what that is) and invest in a shirt that doesn’t double as a dishcloth. Remember, looking homeless doesn’t make you a starving artist, it just makes everyone think you smell like one. Pro-tip: deodorant is your friend, use it liberally.

Phone Calls, a Performance Nobody Asked For:

We get it, Susan, your toddler just pulled themselves up for the first time. But guess what? Nobody else wants to hear it. Take your personal calls outside, or better yet, invest in a mute button. Nobody needs a play-by-play of your marital issues, Brenda. We’re all adults here (questionable fashion choices aside).

The Conference Call Catastrophe:

Speaking of unsolicited noise pollution, conference calls are the Mount Everest of co-working annoyances. Unless you’re curing cancer or negotiating world peace, nobody needs to hear your entire team debate the merits of stapler brands. Find a private space, which we have at Officephase or invest in a noise-canceling headset (and maybe some manners while you’re at it).

The Snack-lympics:

Listen, we all get hungry. But your three-course lunch of asun, foo-foo, and boiled eggs, doesn’t need to become a communal experience. Respect the shared kitchen space, Brenda. Nobody wants their kale chips to taste like last week’s fish. Stock up on quiet, non-smelly snacks, or better yet, learn to control your blood sugar levels like a grown-up.

Dear Chatty Cathy:

There’s a fine line between friendly and watercooler-hogging. We get it, you have a LOOOOT to say about your existential crisis. But Cathy, some of us are actually trying to, you know, work?

If you see someone wearing headphones, it’s not a fashion statement, it’s a desperate plea for silence. Save the social butterflies for after work drinks, not during crunch time.

The Territorial Tyrant:

The co-working space is a shared space, Timmy. Just because you claimed a beanbag chair at 8 AM doesn’t mean it’s your ancestral birthright. Clean up your mess, pack your emotional support llama, and be prepared to share the space like a civilized human being.

In short, Brenda….

Co-working is about respect, Brenda. Respect for the space, respect for your fellow co-workers, and most importantly, respect for your own sense of smell.

Follow these simple guidelines, and maybe, just maybe, we can all co-exist (pun intended) without resorting to passive-aggressive post-it notes. Now get out there and conquer your workday, Brenda!

(Just please, try not to conquer the communal microwave with your questionable culinary creations. Thanks)